Ladies and Gentlemen of the World Wide Web…

Today something hit me like an epiphany – I’m not the woman I thought I was.

I know that sounds a little… odd, but hear me out.

The weekend quickly became the week and for the first time in a long time I got all my Monday tasks at work done in a flash! Literally. I had no hanging assignments -nothing was left undone when I walked out of the office at 5.

Nothing, and I mean absolutely NOTHING, could prepare me for the evening I was about to have. It was an evening from hell, best put. Or an evening from a scene in Waiting To Exhale, or some other drama-filled African American film or novel!

I always imagined that if I ever found myself in the situation I did that there would be tears, breakables smashing, loud arguments, profane language flying…You get the point right? *giggles*

But there was none of that!

I was upset and hurt, of course! My blood was boiling. My heart was beating at a speed I am still not convinced is healthy (…but I’m still alive so…*shrug*). There was no denying my distress. But I did not get angry, at least not to the point where I felt like I needed to burn everything or to break everything. I did, unfortunately, act without much thought as to what the ripple effects would be, and I think its fair for me to attribute that to the disappointment I felt that evening. But the ripple effects of the event far outweigh that of the hastiness of my actions – that’s the worst part.

Instead I, effortlessly and semi-unintentionally, was open to conversation (one overflowing with attitude, a multitude of questions with a side of awkward silence). That didn’t happen until after I threw a mini-fit of course (I wouldn’t be Zindzi w/o the minor drama – right?).

I surprised myself on Monday evening. In fact, I have been surprising me all week. Coming to think of it, this entire year has brought to light a plethora of surprising revelations about myself. Lucky number 22, perhaps?

Bottom line? I am stronger than I like to give myself credit for most days. I am very kind, and understanding, and I have a big heart. Those are some of my strengths, but you wanna know something else? I think they also work against me from time to time.

I know I wallow in my pity sometimes, but in all honesty I am at peace with my choices. I pride myself on my stubbornness. I have no problem hearing your opinion, but 95% of the time I would not take it. And that, ladies and gentlemen of the World Wide Web, is the key to my peace.

Here’s to a maturing mind and a blossoming young woman…*Cheers*