I am home today. Didn’t go to work because I really feel like crap. Feels like I’ve been hit by a bus – literally. My body is hurting. Honestly, it’s a combination of 2 things – the nasty-a** bug/cold going around and mental stress – I suffer from headaches a lot. Largely the cold, but I feel mentally DRAINED! Not the best place to be given that the last compulsory module of my MBA started last week, and I am already a week behind – and let’s not forget my full time job! The past 2 weeks were hectic at work! My boss was out of office during that time and I had to work twice as hard to keep things in check in my department. Great experience, just felt like the wrong time though. I survived. Got all required tasks done – and then some. Yay to me!
On the not so great side of things, I feel like I’ve lost the focus and control – and by extension, independence – in my life. My eating has gone back to what it used to be around this time last year – HORRIBLE! Although I haven’t gained a lot of weight, food is still my kryptonite, and the sooner I find my own way to control that the better I’ll be. I see a WW re-sign up in my very near future.
No more details. No more fussing. I need to think of solutions, which is exactly what I’m going to do.
I gotta get my issh together, and FAST too!
Lots of Love,
Over the past 6 months I have been very candid and open about my weight loss journey/struggle. Remember I blogged about how great my Yuletide Season was? Well…Maybe it was a little TOO good.
I GAINED 8 LBS…in ONE MONTH?! 8 lbs?!
Twas the season to gain weight. Believe me, I know all too well because with the kinda food that passes through my house during that time there is absolutely no way I wouldn’t gain weight. But EIGHT WHOLE POUNDS?!
I am devastated. You could imagine the look on my face when I stepped on the scale last night.
But…Have no fear! I am determined to shed ALL of it!
Thank God for self-motivation because today I am back in the saddle. Thank God for discipline and control too because I am gonna lose 15lbs!
Pray for me…(and watch what you eat…you do not want the weight to creep up on ya)
My recent weight loss has really brought back a part of my personality that I thought had died or that I thought I had lost. I feel a lot more comfortable in my skin. I wear things now that I would not have worn (and felt comfortable) 3 or 4 months ago. And I, once again, LOVE taking pictures! Full body pictures at that!
There was a time when I hated full body pics and half-shots/close-ups too. I’d take a million pics before I got the “right” shot. I hated that! Because I loved the camera and the camera used to love me! Lol. But then I packed on the pounds, and I looked like a swollen-pregnant monster in every pic, and that was a hard pill for me to swallow because I used to be very self-conscious.
I wouldn’t say I was depressed. But it really did take a toll on me sometimes…a lot of the time! Pre-teen/early teen years I was big a big girl, and @ 17/18 I lost it all. I was “meg” and at my ideal weight (according to the BMI calculator). My final year of UnderGrad was when I began to blow up again. I put on 50lbs really fast, within the space of 2 years! That’s crazy! I couldn’t keep that up! It was not pretty. I was not pretty. I didn’t feel pretty, at all. LoL.
My weight has always been a constant struggle for me, and not many of you would know it or would notice it because I rarely posted pics of myself at my heaviest (198lbs), and I always dressed size-appropriate and flattering. You’d have to be around me to see how heavy I got. Thank God I was never really driven to depression or disorders but it was always tough. Day by day my clothes would just stop fitting and I would find myself involuntarily doing “spring cleaning” damn near all year round. Constantly give clothes away because they no longer fit.
This summer I tried something different; followed the advice of a friend, and worked really hard, and now I’m down a whole lot of pounds! Keeping it off is another struggle on its own! Urgh! I’m at the point where I just wanna eat everything, but I can’t and I don’t.
Currently, I fluctuate between 174lbs and 180lbs and that’s OK with me. This is my happy weight (for now), and as long as the scale NEVER goes above 180 and I never see 198 again I’ll be OK!
And I know I’ve laughed about it and sometimes made it seem like it really isn’t a big deal but this is a very sensitive issue and personal struggle for me (and many others), but I’m being as candid as possible in hopes of encouraging someone else positively like my friend did me!
Thank you for listening/reading! ♥